- my FIFI...RIP

today 23 of august... 11.50am
my pet FIFI leave me.... she go somewhere far

i cant believe that yesterday night was the last night i played with her.

when she is still here,
whenever i open door, she will wave her tail, very happy looking at me.
whenever i stalk her through the window, she will happy keep turning around.
whenever i bk home, she will always welcome me.

but now,
whenever i open door, no one is barking.
whenever i stalk her through the window, no one there for me to stalk.
whenever i bk home, no one welcome me.

every time before i sleep, i will look at her at the window before i go to room.
it becomes my habits, although i just had her around 6 to 7 months. and just now i did the same thing, but....there is empty.

i still remember i saw her sitting very women cross her front leg and doze out... that moment she is so so cute.

now i cant see it anymore, cant touch her, cant help her bath... everything had become my memorable moment in my mind... i only can imagine myself n recall the scenario i had been with her.

she is very naughty and playful. my leg always bleed because of her. now the scar on my leg reminds me of her.

i feel very lonely and i miss her a lot.

about two weeks ago, i told my mum that i planning to work part time on September and save money to bring her for spay.
and now i don even had the chance to save money for her anymore.

she die very sudden without any symptom. the last moment i saw her, she already lying there with her last breath...


RIP my FIFI.... you will always in my heart.

- my first few months of 2014...

Time flies... and it is towards the end of March. April is coming. Another months, it comes my new semester. I'm not ready yet... Feel myself getting older now. Within this few months... i'm totally busy with all my academic stuff. rushing for assignments, preparing this and that. Besides all the university stuff. Many things happened unexpectedly.

1st: Finally i shift house. House condition was awesome but the environment is not. I really do not know why my mum choose to buy that house... seriously is insecure. Both side of my house was empty. No one lives there. There is so many stealing case around there. Is hard to describe the feeling. I just do not want to go home. I am scare. Scare of everything.
One day, me and my sis was at home. I was busying with my own stuff in my room. My sis have her bath at bathroom. Suddenly, my house alarm ring. I was totally panic, nervous and scare. I went down to the alarm system to check which part of my house makes the alarm on. when i found that it was came from master bedroom were my sis taking her bath there. i cant hide my nervousness and keep knocking the door to ask my sis open. After i check everything, it was just a incident. My sis accidentally knock the window and cause the alarm ringing non-stop. I am really afraid and cry like there is no tomorrow. will i have phobia just because of this.??? I wants to move out from there.... really.

2nd: Sister starts her primary school life. everything i need to take care of her as mum was working. bring her to school, back from school, lunch and dinner are almost i am the one who arrange and settle. I know i had the responsibility to take good care of her.... but no one is gonna understand how i feel. i am her sister not mother or nanny... i need my own time to do my own stuff. i want freedom...!

3rd: Friendship. i do not care physically does not means that i don care mentally. different people have different point of view. people might interpret things in another way. that is why i choose to be quite, just listen. people might think that you are busybody and makes things worst. i do not want it. i experienced it many times. i am freak out ... you can think i am selfish or cruel or cold blood. i treat all my friend with sincere heart. everyone is my best friend...

to be cont...